Merry Christmas from Tony Danza!!!

Has anybody seen the Tony Danza show? Mercifully, usually I'm at work when it is on so I don't see it, but during winter break I've stumbled upon it a couple times and man is it awful. How can somebody so awkward and devoid of talent have his own show? He has a hard time just reading the stupid teleprompters. And then they fill the seats with a bunch of 300 rabid middle-aged women drooling all over this schmuck of a celebrity and they expect us to believe that people are really this crazy about Tony Danza...come on!

Also on the celebrity front, I'm glad to see Jennifer Aniston is moving on. However, is it just me or does Vince Vaughn kinda seem like a step down from Brad Pitt. Don't get me wrong, I think Vince is a funny guy and I like his movies, but it's kinda like having top sirloin for dinner for 3 or 4 years , and then getting stuck eating McDonald's cheeseburgers....both of them are good, just one a heck of a lot more than the other.

Anyway, we hope everyone had a very Merry Christmas. We spent Christmas Eve here in our house with 20+ guests, and by all accounts, everything was a raving success. On Christmas, we headed down towards Temecula to spend Christmas with my cousin Shauna and that side of the family...it was fun but the both of us were so tired, I think we would not have minded just spending Christmas at home alone....but it is nice to know that we are loved and wanted.

From Katie:
Personally, I think it was my nicest Christmas yet.... I got wonderful, thoughtful gifts (including a Dooney Bourke purse and my favorite perfume from my HUBBY and the complete Willow Tree Nativity set from my mom) I still think next year will be better because of a new little addition to the family, but still this year was so fun! Christmas Eve is my favorite, its always been the reserved night that I get to spend with my parents and siblings and we have a good time. We had some new additions this year, my best girlfriend in the world came over with her boyfriend, my Grandma, Uncles and Aunt and Billy's parents and bro came over. Needless to say our casita was filled to capacity, but I loved it!
I have never been so exhausted in all my life though! I worked hard to try and make it a nice evening for all... Billy and my mom told me it was a success so thats nice!
We also went to a fun party on Friday. Billy had no idea what an Open House was, he said he'd never been to one. Let me tell you, this was the one to break him in! The Kern's had the best food, company and most of all a karoque machine! My mom and I sang Old time of Rock and Roll, it was fun, but we didn't hold a candle to Blaine belting Feliz Navidad! We skipped the other two we were invited to to stay there!
And the parties are continuing on through this week, I've got 4 family members birthday's this week. I want to make my mom's special. I just found out she kind of got jilted as far as presents go. Me and Billy, my sisters, brother and grandma were the only ones who got her anything! And she made sure to give the nicest things to a lot of people, I guess I just wish that people thought of her as much as she though of them.... I know its better to give than to receive.... but still.
anyway I'm done. Have a Happy Holiday Season all!

We will rock you!

Well, looks we're going to see Queen in concert in April! Katie is really excited, and I am too after watching her Queen DVD the other day. I never knew so many of the songs I like were written by them.

Thanksgiving Fantasticalness!

Jarrett
Originally uploaded by S2 the Chizzle.

Well, Thanksgiving was here and now it has left, and except for having to eat 2 fairly large meals in the span of 3 hours, everything went well. Matt came down from Provo and was able to grace us with his presence for a few short days. My mom and dad worked night and day to get the addition to their house done so he would have a room to sleep in, and lo and behold, he did when he showed up at the door.

On Friday we went up with Matt to Big Bear to meet one of his friends from college and while we were there we saw Santa Claus, drove around the lake, and ate a large amount of fudge (in case you couldn't tell, there's not much to do in Big Bear).

However, the best part about Thanksgiving weekend is that I finally broke down, went on ebay, and bought a dvd of the USC - Notre Dame game on Oct. 15 that I missed (I'm still kicking myself in the butt for that one!). Anyway, yesterday (Monday) the video came, I popped it in the DVD player, and had a most remarkable 3 hour experience. I was getting nervous watching the stupid dvd, I can't imagine what I would have been like watching it live. And, as expected, the outcome was the same: USC 34, Notre Dame 31.

from Katie:

In other news.... the baby dropped again last night. Which for those of you who don't know what that means, its looks like this baby is in my knee caps! Well maybe thats a little too drastic. But she is a lot lower than she was before. I can barely fit behind my desk at work. I have a pillow to help support my back and one on my lap to help take pressure off my belly. Coming into work kind of sucks. Luckily my bosses are fathers and Mormons, needless to say I get a way with a lot! I'm a little grumpy with them and make them do my job, and they put up with it. Fools.

We're just putting the finishing touches in her room. Surprisingly guys like her room. Its very girly.

I'm also excited about the holiday season! I started putting up decorations two weeks ago and went shopping at 4:45 am on Friday. Had some serious fun! But the craziness is just beginning! I swear we are just too popular. I hate turning down invitations to parties, but we've already had to start doing that! Our one year anniversary is coming up too, crazy! And we're having Christmas Eve at our house so it should be a great month!

Happy Thanksgiving!

good bird
Originally uploaded by susiefairchild.

We wanted to wish everybody a Happy Thanksgiving! Looks like we will be pulling double duty again this year at both our families. No problems there...double the food and double the company, who could ask for more?!

Also, hard to believe but our one year anniversary is coming up in less than a month...whoever said the first year of marriage was hard was full of it. It has been an amazing year and we are certain things will only get better from here!

Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events

Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events,
originally uploaded by xMeeno.

"Children, Since we have been abroad we have missed you all so much. Certain events have compelled us to extend our travels. One day, where you're older, you will learn all about the people we've befriended, and the dangers we have faced. At times the world can seem an unfriendly and sinister place, but believe us when we say there is much more good in it than bad. All you have to do is look hard enough. And what might seem to be a series of unfortunate events, may, in-fact be the first steps of a journey. We hope to have you back in our arms soon darlings, but in case this letter arrives before our return, know that we love you. It fills us with pride to know that no matter what happens in this life, that you three will take care of each other with kindness, and bravery, and selflessness as you always have. And remember one thing my darlings and never forget it - that no matter where we are, know that as long as you have each other, you have your family, and you are home. Your loving parents."

Bag full of money

I had an interesting experience at Sam's Club the other day. The place was packed and I was kind of in a hurry, so I didn't want to wait forever in a dumb line. Anyway, I see these two people with two enormous flat-bed carts full of soda and candy. Obviously, nobody wanted to get stuck behind them because it was going to take forever. However, I quickly noticed that they were almost done...everything had been scanned and they were in the process of checking-out. Well, being the quick person I am, I sprint to that line and unload my cart before anybody else can. Following behind me are 3 or 4 people with small orders as well. We look at each other with grins on our faces because we had beat the long lines, or so we thought.

It was while we in the line were smirking at each other that these two people in the front pulled out of a backpack two giant-sized freezer ziplock bags jammed pack of dollars bills, mostly ones. It was then that those of us in line realized what we had coming. These two idiots in the front of the line did not even take the time to stack the money, or organize it, or even unfold the individual bills. The vast majority of these dollar bills were stuffed into the bag into wads, and had to be untangled, straigthened out, put into piles, and eventually counted. I cannot even begin to tell you the number of bills that tore and had to be taped together. Before too long, there were 7 employees working on this one stupid order.

25 minutes and 2000 dollars later, we were still waiting in line. I have never seen so many dirty looks or rude comments in my life. I was pretty ticked off myself. Initially these two could have cared less and were almost laughing at us waiting in line, but eventually toward the end you could see they were somewhat afraid for their lives.

Eventually, 30 minutes and 2500 dollars later, they were gone and I have never heard so many apologies from so many employees in my life. At that point, I didn't care and just wanted to leave, but as I was loading my car and leaving the parking lot, I passed these two people who were still loading their van. Approaching them was one of the guys, a 300 pound black guy, who was standing in line with me. As luck would have it, they were parked right next each other. I don't know what was said because I was at that point driving away, but man oh man, I would not want to be that couple. All I saw was this black guy yelling and pointing at the top of his voice and these two morons frozen in their steps.

In my car I turned the corner and grinned....

Walking in a winter wonderland...

" Below ..."
Originally uploaded by dmviews.

Winter will soon be among us, and I for one, except for the limited daylight, love the change of seasons. There is nothing better than the crisp, cold air of a winter night. Plus, you only have to cut the lawn like once every two months, which is an added bonus.

On another front, we finally finished painting the nursery. I have come to the conclusion that I HATE painting, however the end product (if it turns out good) more than makes up for it. I don't know why people spend so much time and money making a nursery look so nice...you could paint the walls black and the baby wouldn't care. By and large I have discovered that nurserys are for the adults that have to wake up at 2 am in the morning to sooth a crying baby.

Other than that, everything else seems to be going according to plan. Give us a hollar one of these days to catch up with old times.

Arrested Development - Season 2

arrested
Originally uploaded by la_kings_lawsuit.

Katie and I just got done watching season 2 of Arrested Development. It was hard stretching the entire thing over 2 weeks when we easily could have watched all of them in a single night. The third season is currently on fox, Monday nights I think, and I hope the ratings improve drastically or there will probably not be a fourth season. I don't know why the ratings are so bad, probably because there are too many stupid people in the world, but I hope this sticks around.

On another front, The Producers (the musical) is coming to the big screen on December 16th...two days before our one year anniversary. I have seen the play 3 times, and it is an absolute riot. From watching the trailor, it looks almost identical to the musical, which is a good thing.

Batman Begins

Katie and I finally had the chance to watch Batman Begins. The movie was amazing! I only have one question: Is it possible to erase all the old movies and simply start over? Granted, the first Batman was a classic, but I'd be willing to sacrifice that one in return for more of these. Everything about the movie worked, except for that biatch Katie Holmes. Who ever told her she could act? Every word she says seems so forced that it is impossible to take her seriously. If she wasn't in the movie, I'd have to put this on my top 10 list. Even with her in it, it was dang good.

Other news: The pregnancy is coming along fine. Katie is a real trooper. We are almost into the last trimester and anxiously awaiting the arrival of our little Lia. Things seem to be going well.

Our house is finally coming together, as is the backyard. The front yard is great! Although every bit as expensive as we thought it would be, we would not change a thing. We feel very lucky to have a nice, cozy house to raise our baby it.

Doug Eddings, worst ump in baseball

Doug Eddings, worst ump in baseball

Fans of baseball tend to know that Doug Eddings is one of the worst umpires in baseball today. He’s a drama stooge who used to get reversed all the time but now likes to reverse himself. He provokes as much argument as he receives, and he even baits players into argument. And he has this annoying habit in an ump, of not being able to see the obvious.
Fans may recall a game from early 2002 when Eddings reversed himself and screwed the Angels:
Troy Glaus hit Erik Hiljus’ next pitch down the left field line, and the ball appeared to hit the foul pole. Third base umpire Doug Eddings originally ruled a homer, but after a conference of the umpires, the call was overturned.
“I didn’t see it,” Glaus said. “I didn’t think I hit it that far. I was running for a double. This was a first for me, to have a homer called back like that.”
“I pretty much lost it and called it a home run and then heard it hit concrete,” Eddings said. “It was the wrong call. Art (Howe) came out and said I should talk to the other umpires which I did. They all lost it too but they all heard it hit concrete so we reversed the call. If we weren’t 100 percent in that decision I wouldn’t have changed it. In my own mind after the play I thought it was foul.”
Parallel to a call a year earlier, when a ball that was an obvious home run was initially called a double by Eddings:
Saenz hit the first pitch of the third for his sixth homer, though it was originally ruled a double by second base umpire Doug Eddings. The umpires conferred at the request of Howe and changed the call. Television replays showed the ball hit well above a yellow line atop the 19-foot wall in left.
But he’s gotten more emphatic when he blows the call over the years. Last year, he made yet another perfectly blind call in a Rangers game, and this time made it stick:
Tiffee hit a chopper that arced high over Mark Teixeira, and first baseumpire Doug Eddings. Though Eddings was a step off of the first base line, and had his back to where the ball landed, he emphatically ruled the ball fair. Never mind that the ball bounced foul when Tiffie hit it, or that it landed in foul territory, behind Eddings. The Tiffee double allowed two runs to score, and nothing Buck Showalter could do would get Eddings to even ask home plate umpire Dan Iassogna for a second opinion.
Just a couple of months ago, he egged on Craig Biggio by claiming that he didn’t make enough of an effort to get out of the way of a ball outside of the strike-zone—a near-automatic free pass to first—and then he followed Biggio down the line when Biggio later flied out.
Weaver struck Biggio on the left shoulder with a pitch, but plate umpire Doug Eddings called Biggio back, claiming he hadn’t made enough of an effort to get away from the pitch, even though Biggio ducked his shoulder.
“He just said, ‘Stay here,’ ” Biggio said. “I guess he’s had a lot of balls thrown at him and knows how easy it is to get out of the way of them. You’re sitting on a slider and know he’s going to throw it, and he starts one behind you and it breaks in the middle of the batter’s box.”
Biggio and Garner argued the call without success, extending the at-bat. Biggio lofted a fly ball toward right field and pounded his bat into the ground, glancing back at Eddings as he ran to first.
Eddings followed Biggio down the line, and tempers flared. After getting ejected, Biggio had to be restrained by third-base coach Doug Mansolino, and he threw his helmet onto the field as he departed.
“It wasn’t like it was a big part of the game,” said Biggio, dripping with sarcasm. “It was only first and second in the seventh inning with one out and a guy in scoring position.”
Garner was ejected for the second time this season moments later.
“It wasn’t a good call, let’s put it that way,” Garner said. “He said he had to make an attempt to get out of the way, and I said he did make an attempt to get out of the way. He said (the pitch) was close to the plate, and I asked him if it was a strike. He said it wasn’t strike. I just don’t understand the call.”
One thing for sure–as he did twice on the key play tonight, he loves calling strikes. He loves calling strikes so much, in fact, that he is well-known to over-under bettors as one of a handful of umps who call a disproportionate amount of strikes and low-scoring games:
Low Scoring Umpires usually allow less than 9 runs per game, call more than 62% strikes and give up less than 2.5 HRs per game. The following umpires call 60% of the games under: Mark Carlson, Doug Eddings, Charlie Reliford Bill Welke, Jerry Meals, Darren Spagnardi Matt Hollowell, Adam Dowdy, Brian Gorman, Brian Runge, Derryl Cousins and Tim Timmons.
And he was, of course, the ump who was bumped by Johnny Estrada this year, leading to Estrada’s three game suspension (reduced to two games). Carrying the grudge forward, he also tossed Estrada later in the year. Cox and Estrada say Eddings provoked. (The argument, of course, was about Eddings’ strike zone. In the first inning).
Both Cox and Estrada insisted Eddings escalated the argument with coarse language.
‘’At one point, I said, ‘Why are you yelling at me?”’ Estrada said. ‘’I don’t think it’s right, he can say what he wants and I can’t.'’
He’s had quite a run over his six year career. Lots of temper, lots of vindictive behavior. He doesn’t belong in an LCS game. Not even on a foul line. Yet this is his third LCS.

THINK PINK!

Along with all the excitement of moving into our new home, we found out we are having a girl!!!! I had a 3-D ultrasound, and let me tell you, they are incredible! We got to watch her suck her thumb, yawn, cover her face and kick like crazy when they woke her up! It was just amazing!

Must love dogs!!!

So I admit it, I love dogs, especially mine! We have two mini aussies, Dewey and Sapphire (Sapphie). They are two very different kinds of dogs, Sapphie is a neurotic sweetheart and Dewey is best described as the kid who gets beat up on the play ground. But they are always good for a laugh.
Saturday was our first night in the house and I had to get up in the middle of the night and so I let them outside. And when it came time to let them in Sapphie took off and ran straight to our room and he got lost! I can't see very well so all I could do was hear him running around whining! Finally he stopped on a love sac and waited for me to come pick him up.
Then this morning I was getting them set up in the backyard. Trying to be good owners, we got them this mister to put on the patio to keep them cool on hot days, so I go out there to turn the dumb thing on and when I do one of the nozzles BLOWS OFF! Mind you I didn't have the water pressure on to high, but it was high enough to blast the neighbors windows and roof! Sapphire ended up under the grapevines and Dewey was just SCREAMING like a girl! He just froze!
It took a few minutes for me to regain my composure, I wish I had his scream on tape so people would believe it really is a dog, and a boy one at that! I swear I don't even scream that girly!
It was so funny!

Maxims for a Sucessful Career in Education

Half way done with my Master's!!! On my way out of class, our professor, the best professor I have ever had by far, handed us a piece of paper. I thought I would share it with you.

Jay's Maxims for a Successful Career in Education

1. Love your work. Let your work reflect that love.

2. Every staff member/student/parent is yours! The one who gives you fits is the one who needs you the most.

3. Create positive relationships. They are going to enrich your life in many ways.

4. Think about the long-term impact of your decisions.

5. Grow professionally.

6. Admit to your fallibility.

7. Provide and expect quality.

8. Walk the talk. Lead with humility and gratitude.

9. Do the difficult things well.

10. Choose a mentor/Be a mentor

11. Remember that your worst day is incredibly precious!

Anyway, take it or leave it, but I thought it was pretty cool. This guy, Dr. Hoffman, is an extremely successful educator and a definite mentor for myself. I still remember going to class after one particular rotten day, and Dr. Hoffman looked at me and said, "Having a rotten day is better than not having a day." I was certainly put in my place.

Ughhh...current events

The real sad thing about Peter Jennings dying is that he never found out what happened to Natalee Holloway. Come on! Why are we still talking about her?! I will agree, it is a very sad thing that happened, especially for the family, but there are people disappearing everyday in our country, and where is the 24-7 news coverage for those people? Crap happens, especially to young, intoxicated women who decide to drive home with 3 perfect strangers in a foreign country. This Natalee Halloway story is evidence that there no longer is any such thing as news. Fox, CNN, MSNBC, are all a joke. All they do is dig up the most irrelevant, sensational stories they can find, and then follow them by putting on experts telling you what to think of the irrelevant, sensational stories. They don't want you to use your mind, because if you do, you'll probably go somewhere else for the news.

Along with the recent string of current events, as was mentioned previously in this blog in a previous post, the Michael Jackson jury was full of complete idiots. Two jurors came out recently and said that they should have voted guilty, but were blackmailed into voting NOT guilty by the other morons in the jury. Along with the blackmail, other laws were broken with the jurors (inside and outside the jury room) which influenced the jury. Every person on that jury should be prosecuted for obstruction of justice, and if Michael Jackson ever molests again, every one of them should pay a severe consequence for letting him go.

Anyway, I think that is it for current events. I'm going to go watch my Seinfeld DVDs...simply amazing! I have never enjoyed watching something on DVD so much, and I'm only through the second season. The episodes are great, but I am loving all the extras as well. Larry David is a riot! The chemistry between him and Jerry Seinfeld is perfect and it becomes easy to see how the show became such a hit.

So far, so good....

Well, so far so good. We are half way through the escrow process. It's not nearly as complicated as I thought it would be...just a lot more stressful. So many things have to line up perfectly, and so many things are completely out of your control, you feel you have no power over whether things work out or not...and, as it turns out, you really don't. You basically just have to worry about the things you have control over, mostly signing a bunch of meaningless papers, and trust that everything else will fall into place like it should.

Thankfully, I don't have work right now. If I had to work and worry about this whole house-buying process at the same time, I would be a mess. Besides my night classes two nights a week, I don't really have much to worry about, so I can focus on this.

Sorry there is not much more to talk about. We'll keep you up-to-date with everything as it progresses. Chau!

Well.... we did it!

We had an offer accepted on a house and escrow started last week. I for one am very excited! I am so glad to be getting away from our scary neighbors,parking lot wars and having to share the washers and dryers. Another benefit is that it has air conditioning!
We have been busy getting ready to make "a house a home" we bought new living room furniture, and I have to tell you, we got red couches! I am so excited! They are not bright red, they are a dark/burnt red! But I love them, Billy is starting to feel better about them (atleast that is what he tells me). We won't have them until the end of next month, that way we don't have to move them ourselves.
We've also got a great backyard, its big and fenced in. We are excited about fixing it up and making it nice. Everyone but me, my mom, Aunt Trudy and Uncle Jim want to get rid of the Blue Spruce that was planted back there. Its not ugly, it is in an odd place, but there are some sentimental reasons I want to try to keep it. So we'll see what happens.
Anyway, we'll keep you posted and let you know what happens.

Hot, lazy summer....

I guess that is what we get for complaining about all the rain during the winter...we now get to suffer through this unbearable heat. Granted, there is very little humidity which is the only reason I'm still alive, but the heat is still enough to make you want to shed your skin.

We have been back from Maui for a few weeks now, and I apologize for not writing anything about our trip. I actually wrote a good page and a half, and then I lost it when I tried posting it and haven't had the desire to do it again. Maybe I will, maybe I won't, just know that our trip has made me set on living in Hawaii sometime in my life. People say you get sick of it after awhile, but considering how uneventful my life currently is, I don't see how that is possible.

Oh yeah, remember my "Ode to the California Housing Market"? Well, you can forget it. We decided it would be in our best interest to live in a house, so we are back at it. Ultimately, we decided it would be cheaper to buy a brand new one....let's see, I can spend 250,000 on a 750 sq ft hunk of crap, or I can spend 30,000 more and get a brand new 2,000 sq ft house....when you consider repairs that would have to be made and the fact that we would be living in the ghetto, buying a new house is actually cheaper.

Other than that, nothing much else is going on around here, but we'll make sure to update when something does happen. A little note however: to post on this blog now, you'll have to have a blogger user name. I know, it sucks, but I am under the opinion if your going to leave a comment, you need to sack up and tell who you are. Posting anonymously just so people don't know who you are is ridiculous. So, if you're going to post, write your name, or a even more wonderful idea, if you don't like things on this blog, go to a different one.

Again with the drama!

As always, the Sanborn family has to have something HUGE going on and this time its my niece Maren, she is having her shoulder replaced this afternoon at the Huntsman Cancer Institute in Salt Lake City. After many unsuccessful attempts to keep the bones from dying, this is their last option. Please keep her in your thoughts and prayers! Thanks.

If I only had a brain....

Just in case there is any confusion with all the celebrity legal nonsense happening, let me clarify everything:

OJ Simpson - GUILTY
Kobe Bryant - GUILTY
Robert Blake - GUILTY
Michael Jackson - GUILTY

Yes, it does not matter that the juries in these cases are idiots, these people are still guilty. I'm not going to say that the legal system is completely screwed up, but something is wrong when jurors can KNOW that the person is guilty from everything they heard in the case and STILL are not allowed to vote guilty. The rules are so strict that you would practically have to have a video tape of Michael Jackson molesting kids to convict him. Oh well, he's a pervert and everyone knows now, so hopefully they will keep their kids away from him.

On another front, we will be heading to Maui on Monday, so we will probably not update this for awhile. But please know, that while we are soaking up the sun and enjoying the clear, clean water, we will be thinking of everyone of you.

My ode to the California housing market!

I have a message for anyone trying to sell his or her house right now in Southern California: Kiss my butt! Yeah, you heard me correctly: kiss it! Let me tell you why.

As many people know, Katie and I have been house shopping for some time. Now for those people who have been asleep for the past two or three years, or are just incredibly dumb, the California housing market is incredibly inflated. Unfortunately, we just happen to live in the middle of it all, because all these rich buttheads from Los Angeles and Orange counties are escaping their high living costs and settling in Riverside and San Bernardino counties where prices use to be cheaper. Riverside and San Bernardino counties are where we both grew up and where we ultimately want to settle and raise a family. Bad idea, especially right now.

Well, house shopping has been pretty frustrating. Some crudhole house on a tiny lot what use to sell for 50 or 60 thousand dollars is now selling for well above 200 thousand, even higher in some places. The scary part is not that people are listing them for so much, but that they are ALL selling for that much.

Well, last night was just about it for the both of us. We went to see this little 1200 sq. ft, 2 bedroom, 1 bathroom house in Calimesa that we had heard a little about. Believe me, this house was a huge fixer-upper, nothing to write home about. We get there, and in my opinion, it was even worse than the pictures. It was old, tiny, had a mysterious second chimney sticking out of the middle of it, it had two odd additions added to it, and to top it off, a huge garage (bigger than the house) that should have been condemned and would have to be torn down before anything else. Imagine our shock when this piece of junk was selling for almost 300 hundred thousand dollars. That, coupled with the fact that it was in Calimesa, a place I swore I would never live in growing up, just about made me sick to my stomach.

It was after visiting this house when I pretty much said to myself, “Forget it”. This piece of junk, and dozens others like it, will probably sell for 300 thousand dollars, but it won’t be my money. If someone really thinks that load of crap is worth all that money, then they can have it, and I will happily sit in my cheap apartment paying one tenth what they will pay in interest payments alone.

So again, I repeat myself: Kiss my butt California housing market! I will not be your sucker. You will not fool me. I know how much you are REALLY worth and I will go ahead and wait until other people realize it too, or if worse comes to worse, move to a place where the nice fresh air of sanity abounds.

Memoirs of a Back-up Bride’s maid

I went to high school with this wack-job girl who finally decided it was time for her to get married. To protect the identity of the obvious, we will refer to this girl as "Schmuck-face". Yep, she's getting married to a Peruvian and she asked our good friend to be a "Back-up Bride's Maid." Where do I even start with this one?

First, Schmuck-face has some serious issues herself. There is nothing wrong with marrying a Peruvian. However, marrying a "not-sure-if-he-a-is-legal-or-illegal-Peruvian" presents serveral interesting challenges. FIRST, if some poverty stricken person from a third world country was here in the country, either legally or illegally, I doubt he or she would be very...um, let's say...PICKY...about the person they were marrying. Believe me, I lived in Peru for 2 years, and could have married any one of hundreds of Peruvian women if I wanted to. Normally speaking, they are so "star-struck" that they could careless who the actual person is. PLUS, it goes without saying, that the promise of "citizenship" is a little added bonus.

Secondly, being Peruvian, this guy isn't necessarily rolling around in money. In fact, he works at Deseret Industry. In case you didn't know, working at DI is NOT good money. In fact, it is horrible money. BUT, compared to where Peruvian Boy comes from, it's a treasure. The problem is that when you decide to spend your "treasure" on something here in the states that is expensive, like a wedding ring, you very quickly discover that your job sucks. That is what happened here. Apparently, Peruvian Boy got Schmuck-face a ring that resembles a grain of rice with an unfolded paper-clip wrapped around her finger. It is tiny and hideous, a bad combination for Schmuck-face who swore she was going to have at least a 4 karat ring when she got married. Good job Schmuck-face, only 3.999 more Karats to go!

The last, and worst problem with this whole situation, is the "Back-up bride's maid". What in the world is a "Back-up Bride's Maid"? You mean to tell me that you expect this person to buy a dress and plane ticket, fly to your forsaken wedding not really sure if she's going to be in it? What a crock! To be perfectly honest, Schmuck-face deserves everything she gets in the wedding, so I wish her the best of luck.

Hear No Evil, See No Evil

The school year ends on Tuesday, June 14th. Why they decided to end school on a Tuesday is beyond me. Do they honestly think anything close to resembling teaching will take place during those two days? Heck, the kids at school are already running around like rabid racoons on speed, I don't think that will get any better.

For these last few weeks, my basic philosophy is I see no evil and I hear no evil. Usually I'm out in the hallways and in the quad between classes and during lunch. Not now. Lately, I've been locking myself in my room and closing the blinds. It is complete chaos out there and I don't want anything to do with it. I figure they can vandalize and kill each other all they want, and if I'm not aware of it, than it's not really happening. Of course I know its happening, but I'm a teacher, not a police officer, so I will do my job and let others do there's. If they are so concerned about school security, let the principal step out of his office for the first time in months and do it himself. Or, even better, they can hire these things they call "security guards" and they can handle the security problems.

America let me down! They've gone to the Dark Side!

KATIE: I am so mad! I wanted Bo to win! He is much more talented than Carrie! I bet Clive Davis is mad!
Also, we went and saw the new Star Wars, yeah it was rad! But my heart still belongs to the original 3....
And that's all I have to say about that!

BILLY: I'm sorry, but the lore of American Idol is over. The first season was fine, and the second, the third was streching it, and I hardly followed this season at all. I hate it when networks take a good idea and run it into the ground, especially with reality TV. This is the same reason I don't watch Survivor anymore, and probably why I will not care too much about the Apprentice 4 coming up soon. Whatever happened to ending on a high note? So what if some blonde hick won last night over a wannabe hippy? Who cares? We will probably never see either of them again. Besides Kelly Clarkson, have any "Idols" really done squat after they won?

As Katie mentioned, we went to see "Sith" last night and I must say that I was impressed. Super cool story and action. However, the "emotional" scenes were a joke. It's as if you could see the actors grimacing, trying to squeeze tears out of their eyes, and when no tears could come, they said, "Forget it" and went on with the scene. There were so many parts where Lucas could have made an emotional impact with the audience, and didn't. The best example is when Obi-Wan first discovered that Anakin had turned to the dark side and become Darth Vader. He practically stared blankly into the camera and said, "Oh..." Where the heck is the emotion Lucas!?! However, despite this, I would have to put this up there on the top of the list. I love the old movies, like Katie, but I cringe when I see some of the corney special effects. Very little cringing was involved with this movie which is why I would put it up there as my favorite Star Wars movie...with "Return of the Jedi" coming in a close second follwed by "Empire".

Gotta love it!

So I just got an email from my mom, last night her class put on a play about geology. And for the backdrop they made a huge volcano and they thought it would be fun to use a fog machine to make it look like the volcano had steam/ smoke come out the top. And they decided to use the worlds cutest volunteer to do this, my niece Elise.
So the show is going great! They kids are singing their hearts out, parents are loving it and Elise is making sure there is ample amounts of volcanic smoke. The next thing you know, its time for the closing number and Elise decides that they need TONS of smoke and holds the button down for a long time... she held it down until she heard the fire alarm go off and the crowd had to exit the Multi-Purpose Room! And I guess she was too embarrassed to come out!
I love that kid!

The Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim

Most people know that the Anaheim Angels recently changed their name to the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim. While not a huge fan of the name change, I'm willing to accept it if it generates more money and enables the Angels to bring in bigger, better marquee players. Well get this: Yesterday the state assembly voted to approve a bill that would require the Angels to include disclaimers on tickets and ads informing fans the team plays in Anaheim, not Los Angeles. What in the world is going on!?! Our budget is $4 billion out of balance now, our freeways are overcrowded, our houses cost too much, we're running out of water, we're running out of electricity, and we're arguing about whether the Angels ought to be called the Los Angeles Angels or the Anaheim Angels? No wonder this state is going down the crapper. Any elected official who wastes another minute of our state's time on that absurd proposal that Angel tickets contain a disclaimer that the team plays its games in Anaheim needs to be kicked out of office. If they'd devote as much energy to our school system, maybe our citizens would be smart enough to figure it out on their own. While we're doing stupid things with taxpayer money, why don't we make a law attaching asterisks on the first six Los Angeles Laker banners, which were won when the team played in Inglewood?

Our Lovely Neighbors

One of the reasons we are so anxious to own a house and leave our apartment is because of our neighbors. I don't think I'd be lying if I say they are perhaps the most disgusting people in the world, and recently, they have declared war on us.

It all started when Katie and I decided we wanted a little privacy in our backyard, so we bought a really cheap bamboo fence to set up along side the chain-link fence that is already there. No big deal we thought, our neighbors would probably appreciate the privacy themselves. Boy were we wrong. I knew we were going to have problems, because as I was putting the fence up, I hear the boyfriend scream and the girlfriend, "What, do they think we have some kind of #@!$ing disease!?!" Well, it's been downhill from there.

First, there is the smell. You know someone smells when you can smell them all the way out in the parking lot almost 50 feet away. Yes they smoke, and that doesn't help, but I honestly think I've only heard the shower running in their apartment a couple times since we've lived there. The other day they were "airing out" their apartment by opening up all their windows and doors. I kid you not, I had to go into the apartment with the dogs and shut all the windows and doors, and light about 5 scented candles to keep from throwing up.

Then there's the mysterious loogie on our Camry. One night as Katie was coming home, someone was parked in our space, so she had to park further down, unfortuantely by where the boyfriend usually parks. The next morning, what do you know, there was a gigantic loogie on our car that looked like we had been attacked by a flock of pigeons. Of course we have no "proof" that this guy did it, but nobody I have met in our complex is quite that vile.

Third, there's the cigarette butts in the front of our house. We have overheard the girlfriend telling the guy, "I don't want your [blanky blank] cigarette butts in front of our house." Lo and behold!, the next day they start appearing in OUR front yard instead.

Just wait, there's more. These people can actually procreate and have two children. "Don't play in front of our apartment!" I heard him say a few days ago to his kids, "Go play on the sidewalk over there" It just so happens that the "sidewalk over there" is directly in front of our apartment. Does that make any sense? Don't play soccer on the big, grassy field in front of us, go play soccer in the narrow strip of sidewalk over there where you are bound to hit the apartment [OUR apartment] every single time.

I could go on. There is the mysterious large turd that magically appeared in our backyard that is almost the size of both my dogs combined. There is the cussing, the loud fighting at 2 am in the morning, and the latest favorite of theirs: telling all their friends and family to park in our parking space when they come over to visit them.

All of this because we decided we wanted a little privacy. Geesh. People keep telling us to complain or call the police or something, and we might have to if things keep up. The reason we haven't is because we had assumed that they were like children: all they wanted was attention, and if we ignored them, the problems would go away. Well we're still ignoring them and the problems are still popping up, so we'll have to see what the near future holds. Anyway, if you decide to visit us in the near future, feel free to bring by some cigarette butts and we'll put them to good use.

555ing Freaking Idiots

It has been mass hysteria here at the middle school because today is the end of the world. You see, today is May 5, 2005 - 5/5/05, or in other words, 555!!!!!!! Holy crap! Oh wait, the number 555 means absolutely NOTHING! Try telling that to the Spanish radio station out here who has been scaring the crap out of the people. 555, they say, is the "mark of the beast" and the world can't possibly continue after this. Of course intelligent people know that 555 is about 111 short of the real supposed "mark of the beast" but my students would have none of it. I tried to explain that we got through 111 ok, 222, 333, 444 and that 555 would probably be no different. I might have gotten through to some of them, but not most. As I speak, Desert Hot Springs is full of crazed Middle Schoolers running around and doing as much as they can before 5:00, which is of course what time the world will end.

Good People Day!

On the way to work this morning I was thinking about everything going on today, aside from my personal stuff it is my nieces birthday, my Aunts birthday, my Grandma and Grandpa's anniversary and Bill and Cheryl's anniversary.
So, as I always do I called my Grandma to wish her a happy anniversary. My grandpa passed away years ago! I think I was around 6 when he died. Anyway, she has never wanted to or loved another man or anyone more than him. She is as hopelessly devoted to him today as she was the 60+ years ago when she married him! It is fun to hear her talk about him, they met when they were serving in the Canadian Navy. They were both on a train going across the entire country, she was engaged to another man and my grandpa was in love with her at first sight. They talked the entire train ride and exchanged address when they said goodbye. She said she stood there and watched him walk away and she knew right then he was the man she was supposed to marry! I think it was a little over two years and a million letters later they married!
She is the kindest, most loving, respectful, thoughtful person ever! And at the end of our conversation she said "I love you dear" and I realized then what a lucky person I am to have her love me!
So while Cinco di Mayo means nothing to me, I am now going to call it "Good People Day"....

Enough Already!

I hate hospitals, doctors, needles, blood, and pretty much anything in those general categories. My arm almost has to be hanging by a single tendon before I'll go in and see a doctor. Well yesterday, I had had enough. I got the most awful strep throat I had ever had the beginning of this month when we went to General Conference. It took me about a week and a half to get over that monster. About a week ago, I got this chest cold from some disgusting person in my Master's class who thinks it is fun to see how far he can shoot flying viruses out of his mouth when he coughs. Well, yesterday as I was fighting this chest cold the strep throat started up again, so I did what I swore I would never do and I went to urgent care.

The wait wasn't bad, and people were fairly nice, but I cannot begin to tell you how stressed I was. As the guy was taking my vitals, he looks at me and says, "Are you nervous or something?" to which I responded in the affirmative. He said, "Good, because if this was your real pulse, you would probably be dead in a few minutes."

Anyway, I saw a doctor, he looked in my ears and throat, and managed to write me a prescription for two types of pills. I have to admit, after taking only two doses, I already feel better. Katie says I'm too stuborn about going to the doctor, and she's right, but what are you gonna do, I'm old and stuck in my ways.

Just kidding! The Cheesecake Factory is ok!

Some of you may recall reading about the horrid experience we had at The Cheescake Factory in March. Well, I've been thinking about it, and I think I was too harsh. After looking back on it, they did the best they could under the circumstances, so I have decided to forgive and forget. Well that and the fact that I just got a $50 dollar gift card from them in the mail! Holy crap, were we surprised! I wrote a letter over a month and a half ago, and so I had given up hope. But yesterday, in the mail was a gift card and very sincere note written by the general manager. I'm still pissed on how we were treated, but at least we get a free meal out of the deal!
**a note from Katie**
If you pray, please keep my dad in them, if you don't please keep him in your thoughts. Thanks.

Pope Dewey III

Thank goodness for that! We have a new Pope! I was getting a little nervous there for a little while, but now everything will be ok. We don't know who it is yet, the news just got hold of it a few minutes ago, but I am sure I will await in eager anticipation to see who will lead the Roman Catholic Church, and who its members will selectively choose to listen to or ignore depending on whether they agree with him or not.

Most people are aware of the fact that Katie and I got a new pup named Dewey. He's a little sweetheart/monster, depending on what time of day you get to see him. He woke me up last night by knawing on my nose, hence the monster, but then turned into a sweetheart as he tried to hump Sapphire while she was sleeping. We'll try to post some pictures soon.

Sickness and Movies

Geesh, Katie and I can't just seem to get healthy. I was sick about 2 weeks ago with the worst strep/sore throat I've ever had. I'm still getting over that. Katie apparently got the same thing yesterday and is currently at home sucking up Z-packs. To top it off, about 4 days ago my left thumb started hurting, and then it started blistering, and now I can hardly put any pressure on it. I think i have an infected cuticle, but thankfully that is starting to get better (I think).

The other night we saw the movie Spanglish. I liked it, but it dragged a bit and certainly didn't end the way I would have liked. However, I heard a line that is worth repeating. In the movie, the wife is a space-case, and whenever anyone says anything negative to her, she tells them to stop because they are hurting her already low-self esteem. Sick of this, her mom finally tells her, "Lately, your low self-esteem is just good common sense." Ouch! I loved that! Low Self-estee is a very serious matter, but I cannot stand it when people use it to justify their bad or stupid actions.

We haven't been to the theater is ages. We have enough movies at home to get caught up on. However, starting later this month that might change. I'm way stoked to see the new Star Wars movie (hopefully it doesn't suck like the other two), "Kingdom of Heaven" which is about the Crusades, "War of the Worlds" with Tom Cruise, "The Corpse Bride" and "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" both by Tim Burton, "Mr. and Mrs. Smith", "Kicking and Screaming" with Will Farrell, and most of all, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy." I am currently reading the book and LOVE IT! I don't think I've enjoyed a book this much in a long time. I just hope Disney doesn't screw it up! Do yourself a favor and go the webpage and watch the trailor....it is hilarious.

Anyway, that is it for now. I leave with a J. Golden Kimball quote I stumbed across the other day: "This city (Brigham City) looks like hell. You need to clean things up, mow the grass, paint your houses and barns. And you sisters, you could stand a little paint yourselves."

One of those days....

Typically, I do better when I am rushed, this includes getting ready in the morning. And this mornings events are the perfect example of why I should live my life in a rush. I was ready to leave by 7:15, I usually leave about 7:30 - 7:40 so I decided with the extra 15 minutes I had I would go into the backyard, play with Sapphire, water the lawn, my flowers and all the other good stuff that you can do in a backyard.
As I start to walk outside, Sapphire tries to run back inside so I shut the door a little bit so she wouldn't get it. Anyway, she runs into the door shutting it and then I hear it lock!!! The dang dog locked us in the backyard! I was all dressed for work and stuck back there! no phone, no hubby to let me in, no neighbors to yell for, I was trapped!
So after the panic had set in, I paced for a few minutes and weighed my options. Here's what I came up with:
*I got the blue rain tarp
*threw it over the top of the fence so it wouldn't hurt so bad when I had to sit on top of it
*took a pair of Billys work shoes, threw them on the other side of the fence so I could walk in those
*stood on top of Sapphie's dogloo, sat on top of the fence and jumped off (I feel the need to tell you the last time I climbed a fence I was probably 7 years old and 50 pounds, can you imagine my big old butt on top of the fence trying to jump off! If only I had a camera!)
When I got to the other side I threw over the sandals I was wearing, rolled up my pants and walked all the way around our complex.
All I have to say about this adventure is that it is all true, I have some small battle wounds to prove it.
And somehow I still managed to make it to work on time.

RIP Pope!

Despite what many of you may expect me to do, I'm not going to trash the Pope. I geninuely believe he was a good guy and that the world is a better place because he was here. With that said, all the funeral buisness has made me even more grateful to be a member of the church. Allow me to explain: I was watching CNN the other day and they were talking about possible successors to Pope John Paul II, and the commentator said that he expected the new Pope to be much more liberal, and as a consequence that Catholic Church would follow. I was struck by this. In essence, the doctrine of the church is determined by the Pope, and can change from Pope to Pope. How grateful we should be that the doctrine of our church is not dictated by any person, but by God. It doesn't matter who the prophet happens to be, the doctrine will remain the same unless God deems that it needs to be changed. I don't mean to be all philosophical or to offend anyone, but I am indeed grateful to be a member of the LDS church and know that even if the prophet or one of its leaders dies, the church will continue on its current course.

Anyway, changing topics, we had a fun time tonight. A neat couple in our ward with two young kids invited us over to their house for dinner and to play some games. When we got the invitation we were very surprised because hardly anyone invites strangers over for dinner for the purpose of getting to know them better. Let's face it, most people are more like....uh....well, US. Anyway, it was good to get out of our shell for a night and get to know some super neat people. However, the thing I always hate about these things is I wonder what people think about us as a couple. Are we normal, or great, or weird, or disfunctional? I guess I shouldn't care what people think, but I'm curious to know how others perceive us. I guess if they avoid us for the next 3 years, we have our answer, don't we?

General Conference

Katie and I had the wonderful opportunity to attend General Conference over the weekend. We headed up to Utah on Thursday night and drove down on Monday. I thought I would share a few of the highlights:

Lunch with Matt: When we arrived in Provo Friday afternoon, we took my brother Matt out to lunch at the Macoroni Grill where they have paper table covers and crayons you can color and write on. Well, we get there and we have the cutest waitress, and I started thinking, "Hmmm, I wouldn't mind having her as a sister-in-law." So, we started writing little messages on the table to try and hook these two up...things like: "His name is Matt" and "Yes, he's single". At first I think she thought it was kind of cute, but she soon got embarrassed because by the end of the meal she wouldn't even make eye contact with my brother....poor thing, it's not his fault he's so hideous.

Leighton and Mauri: We spent Friday and Saturday night with my old college roommate and his wife in their apartment. The only thing I can say about their apartment is that it was exquisite and made our already old, cruddy apartment look even worse. We had a great time visiting and just talking about old times. On Friday, we went to see the movie "Hitch". I went with absolutely no expectations, and left very impressed. It was a very good, funny movie that I highly recommend to everyone. Anyway, we had a blast staying with these two and it was very difficult to say goodbye.

General Conference: We went to the Saturday afternoon session and the Sunday morning sesson. I also went to the Priesthood session on Saturday night while Katie went shopping. Needless to say, it was a very special and memorable experience for us both. Katie had never been to General Conference and had only seen the prophet from far away once in Palm Springs about 8 years earlier. I don't think I will ever get tired of seeing the prophet. IT is amazing the spirit that is with him and the reverence church memebers show for him. The Conference Center is filled with conversation until he enters the room. Then everyone stands and not a sound can be heard. It is an incredible experience that I hope everyone gets to do at least once in their lives.

The Pendleton Family: Our last night was spent with Katie's sister Tam and her family. I also got to meet her brother Chris for the first time and most of his kids. It didn't even occur to me until I was up there that I am an uncle and that I have a buttload of nieces and nephews. We had a wonderful time visiting with the entire family and were also very sad that we had to leave as soon as we did.

Verizon sucks too!

We got a phone bill yesterday for $138.00! What the freak!? After a lot of not so nice emails on my part, we figured out what happened. The accidentally gave as a hundred dollar credit in Janurary to erase the set up fee, but they found out about it a few days ago and took the credit away. Granted, I guess we owe the money, but it ticked me off that they could just take the money away like that with no explanation. So I wrote the following letter back...I hope it wasn't too harsh:

I received a response to my inquiry regarding a charge of 104.81. The way it was explained to me, a "credit" that was not mine was giving to me on my January bill, and then taken away on my current bill. While I understand what is being told to me, I am somewhat concerned by the statements in your company's response: "The credit for $104.81 on your first bill was not yours, therefore, we had to take it back."

Quite honestly, this seems like your problem, not mine. If your company makes the mistake of giving credit to people who do not deserve them, this is a cost most ethical companies simply absorb instead of passing their incompetence on their customers. I am pretty sure, that if I decided to fight this, I would win. I doubt there is anywhere in my contract that states you have the right to take away credit that has been given to me, although I may be wrong.

With that said, if you can show me where you have the right to take away credit that has been given me, I will glady pay the charge. If not, then unfortunately I will not be able to. In the future, I would ask that your company take more care to avoid putting unnecessary finanical burderns on their customers like you have with me. If I have a problem like this again, I will have to take steps to protect myself.

Thank you for your time.
Bill McIntosh

Memoirs of a 26 year old, oh yeah, and The Cheesecake Factory sucks!

I had my 26th birthday on Sunday. Sunday birthdays are always a little different because usually the whole "party thing" is a little difficult to do with church and all that jazz....fortunately, my family doesn't feel the same way and by 7 o'clock there were literally 25 people in our cramp little apartment. We had quite a blast.

The "real" birthday celebration was suppose to be Saturday night when we went to eat out with all our family, about 18 people in total. I really wanted to eat at the Cheesecake factory, so we decided to head out to Rancho Mirage really early because (and this should have been our first clue) they do not accept reservations. We get out there 2 and half hours before everyone shows up, and we ask how long the wait will be for a party of 15-20. The wait was 30 minutes at the time, so they tell us to come back and put our in our names in about 45 minutes so that the approximate wait will be about when our group was arriving. Easy enough. We come back 45 minutes later, and surprise surprise, the wait has increased to 3 freaking hours! Either the person lied to us or is a complete idiot. Well, with no other options, we put our names in and hoped for the best.

After about 45 minutes, we went back to the Cheesecake Cake Factory to see what our status was. Good news they told us, a lot of the parties were canceling, so we would get in within the hour. This was indeed good news...or so we thought.

The hour passed, and nothing happened. We go in to see what the hold up was, and the person rudely says, “Well we told you the wait was going to be 4 hours!” Two problems, first we were originally told it was going to be 3 hours, and secondly, they then told us we were going to get in within the hour. They didn’t care.

Well, a 4 hour wait would have put us in the restaurant around 10 pm, so we looked for other options. Fortunately, very fortunately, my mom thought ahead of time and put our names in at another restaurant call the Yardhouse. Right when the Cheesecake Factory was looking hopeless, our buzzer for this new place went off and two tables were waiting for us inside. Amazing service, and wonderful food. I have to say that the Yardhouse is one of my new favorite restaurants and I will certainly go there again.

Our One Year Anniversary!!!....kinda...

We started dating one year ago today. I still remember, we planned on going to Disneyland together with several other people to get season passes. As it turns out, all of them pooped out on us, so we went alone. Let me tell you, they don't call it the "Magic Kingdom" for nothing. We were on the Haunted House when SHE reached over and held my hand. Now, she might try to convince you otherwise by saying I was the one who made the first move, but don't let her fool you. I was too big a chicken to make the first move.

True confessions of a dumb wife!

Ok, so I do stupid things! Well the stunt I pulled on Friday takes the cake! It was by far the stupidest, cruelest, lamest thing I've ever done! Let me tell you the story:
So I haven't been feeling like myself, so I thought I would go to Target during my lunch and grab a pregnacy test. Target has a big selection and I chose the First Response, because that I what kind my friend at work used and trusted. So I see that you could choose from a pack of 1,3 or 7 tests. I knew that I wanted to take more than one test and a pack of 7 was $3.00 more than the 3 pack. So I make my purchase and head back to work. When I arrive I sneak into the bathroom, pee on a stick and wait....
Well it didn't take long before two lines pop up. And my heart stopped! Holy crap! That meant I was pregnant! So I go grab another one and take it also, two lines again. Well, I decided I better call Billy and tell him the news. I asked him if he was sitting down, and then told him the news. His reaction was definitely not what I was expecting, he was royally peeved! Oh man, he says he wasn't mad, but that's not the feeling I got on the other end of the phone! So I decide that I want to go to the doctor and make sure this is for real. So I head over to the doctors office. And as I am sitting at a stoplight I start putting all my "stuff" into a bag so I can show it to the doctor. And do you know what I discovered, in little yellow letters towards the bottom of the box it says that is an ovulation test! I was not pregnant! But if I wanted to get pregnant that afternoon could! But I still went to the doctor and let them do a blood test, which I hated!
So being the Mormon I am, I now have a nice stash of ovulation and pregnacy tests in my food storage closet. Isn't that special!?!

The Husband's Rebutal: If there is ever a time where it is a good idea to read the label, a pregnancy test is certainly up there on the top of the list. People read the label on cans of soup, or bottles of shampoo, you'd think that would be the case with a pregnancy test too. I mean, you can't just tell a guy is whole life is going to change and then say ooops, I meant no, i mean yes, i mean no....oh crap, i dunno. Not a good for an already balding husband with a history of heart disease in his family.

And, finally, to set the record straight: I was NOT mad. Stunned, yes. Overwhelmed, yes. But I was not upset or mad. I'm positive that after a day or two, I would have been fine and welcomed the wee-little infant into our family.

The Hotel from Hell!!!

We decided we needed a break, so we headed down to Anaheim for the weekend so we could relax and use our season passes before they expire in a couple days. We really did have a fun and relaxing time, but I have to tell you that the Super 8 hotel we stayed in was like a room out of some movie where every other room has chalk outlines of deap corpses.

First of all, they put us in a handicapped room for some reason. While the bathroom was HUGE and enabled 5 wheelchaired individuals to do wheelies simultaneously in their chairs, this came at the cost of the rest of the hotel room which was barely big enough to fit a queen-sized bed and nightstand in.

Problem #2 - The walls were at best 3 inches thick. Our first morning there we both woke up to what sounded like people sreaming and laughing in our room. It took us a minute to realize that it was actually the people next door, but the walls were so cheap that they might has well been having the conversation in our very room. Side note: It is amazing what people will do and say when they think no one else is around to hear (we won't even go into what we overheard with "John" and his "enthusiastic" girlfriend on the other side of us).

Problem #3 - We were suppose to get the LA Times delivered to our room. We got it without a problem the first morning. On the second morning, we both heard the guy plop the newspaper down outside our door. I went over to the window to look out, and sure enough it was there. I decided to get ready for the day first, so I went into the bathroom, took a shower, and got ready. I go back over, open the door, and it is gone. What the heck?!? I shut the door and go back inside. About 5 minutes later, I hear the guy plop something else down outside the door. Looking outside, it was my newspaper. Well, I was in the middle of cleaning the hotel room, so I decided to finish that first. 3 minutes later, I go over and open the door and it is gone again!!!! Neither one of us had any idea what happened to it, but it was a fitting end to a horrible hotel.

Anyway, despite the Hotel from Hell, we really did have a good time. We can't wait for Space Mountain to finally re-open. We will be getting our new Season Passes next time we go, so if any of you are interested, let us know and we will get them together.

"I Do Not Speaka English"

About 3 months ago, I got this group of 4 girls in my class. They were causing havoc in their other class, so they were sent to mine because I am known as somewhat of a disciplinarian. After a month or so they realized that they weren't going to way with anything in my class, so they whined and complained. The Administration, not being able to withstand the whining of 7th graders, gave in and moved all but one of them from my class. The one that is left is the biggest brat on earth. She is upset that her friends got to leave but she didn't, so all she does everyday for the past few months is plop down in her seat, fold her arms, and pout. She will not talk, make I contact, or do any work. Whenever I ask her a question, she'll look at the person next to her and ask "Que dijo?" which is translated to be "What did he say?" Obviously, I thought, not only is this girl a brat, but she doesn't speak a word of English. That was until I talked with one of her other teachers.

I was visiting with her Social Studies teacher one day and somehow we got on the topic of this girl, and I mentioned the fact that she didn't speak any English. The Social Studies teacher looked at me like I was joking, and then asked if I was serious. I said that I was and she started laughing. Not only did this girl speak English, but she was the most fluent girl in her class. Needless to say, I was certainly taken back, but I didn't quite know what to do with the new information.

Fast forward to yesterday: I was especially annoyed with this girl, and finally I snapped. I asked her, "Why do you sit there a pout? Why do you even bother coming to class?" Predicatably, she turned to the student next to her and asked, "Que dijo?" I knew I had her where I wanted her. "Melissa, cut the crap! I know you speak English. Not only do you speak English, but your History teacher informs me that you speak the best English of anyone in class. So would you like to drop the phoney baloney story now, or would you like me to do it for you?" I have never literally seen the blood drain out of someones face before. It was great, and I must admit that I have never been so proud of myself before in my life. Of course I would have been prouder if I had figured out her little plan sooner, but those 7th graders are tricky I tell you.

Killer Bunnies!

Have you ever wanted to kill nice, pretty, fluffy bunnies? Well, I always have and last night was my chance to do it. We went over to my aunt's house and played a game called "Killer Bunnies" for 3 hours. I tell you, this is the most addictive thing since the tv show "Different Strokes". You can shoot them, stab them, chop their heads off, infect them with horrible diseases, abduct them, bury them alive, and best of all, nuke every bunny on the board. Go out and do yourself a favor and kill some bunnies.

Tornado Warning?!?!?

This weather has been really crazy. It's been non-stop rain since Friday night, and yesterday as I was driving home, I heard on the radio that a Tornado Warning was issued for 4 Southern California counties, including Riverside and San Bernardino. Who in the world has ever heard of a Tornado Warning in Southern California? I have enough things to worrying about, I don't need to worry about some funnel cloud coming out of the sky and sucking my house up with it. I don't know what Southern California did, but someone is mad at us.

Katie: What is up with today? Today has been totally bizarre! I just read an article that Arrested Development will air its last episode on April 17, that alone almost made me cry! And then someone is sending me porn! And in mass amounts! Its coming over my instant messenger at work, and then its being sent to my mom and dad's house. I got some cute package delivered and my mom called me to tell me about, I don't want to stop by for nothing, so she opened it. I got some DVD's, magazine subscriptions and other brochures. Sick! I am so embarrassed! I wonder if someone is playing a prank on me or something, but I hate it!

Flippin' teacher

Don't you just love it when a teacher flips? I still remember to this day in 12th grade, I had a government teacher who usually came to school somewhat drunk, and on one particular drunken day towards the end of the year, he had enough of us and just snapped. Screaming, drooling, cussing, throwing things, you name it. Needless to say, we were scared to death in class, but once class got out, we all thought it was the most hilarious thing we had ever seen.

Anyway today in my class, my kids were taking a test so everything was really quiet on my end. In the middle of the test, we start hearing through the walls the teacher next door wigging out. Big time screaming and cussing, and at least three really hard thumps against the wall. I had no idea what the thumps were, but they were loud. Turns out that the teacher threw a kids folder, backpack, and to top it off, a stool (yes, I said STOOL) against the wall. It was really weird, but the hilarious thing was watching the kids as they were leaving....IDENTICAL to my reaction back in my senior year. They came out scared to death and the moment they were a reasonable distance away from the class, they were practically rolling on the ground because they were laughing so hard.

I do not know what will happen with the teacher...the principal just kinda shrugged his shoulders and told her to go home for the day. You could tell he was as perplexed and confused as everone else. Chances are she will not be back. She is kinda a nut anyway who went into teaching because that was the easiest way to get through college...bad move.

NEVERMIND!

Ignore everything I wrote about my employment situation yesterday. After the you know what hit the fan yesterday, Jon-Lin made me an offer that was hard to refuse. And I didn't. I chose to stay here. Life is good and I'm making more money.
I went and picked out our car last night. Its so nice. I chose the metallic silver with black interior. We got the cool model with the moonroof, sport interior, 16 inch wheels, sport suspension and a spoiler. I love this car! Love it, love it, love it!
Our poor doggie, when I went out into the backyard this morning to put her food and water out for her, she threw up 4 times. Poor girl! I stayed out there until she stopped and was laying down. I felt so bad.

"Whatever you are, be a good one!" A. Lincoln

Needless to say, this has been a big week for the William D. McIntosh family. I found a new job yesterday, I will start there Tuesday March 1. I will be back at the law firm I used to work for. I will be the file clerk. Not an exciting job, but the best part is, I will be making more money and I only have to answer phones one hour a day! (I have to cover while the receptionist is out to lunch) Finally, more freedom! I have been a receptionist for years and I HATE it!
Also, we are picking up our new car this Friday. We ordered a 2005 Toyota Camry SE- my dream car, it is sooooo nice! So next time you visit So. Cali we'll take you for a ride!

"You are so guy!"

One of my students called me "gay" today as she was running out the door at the end of the period. She thought is was ok because she didn't actually say it, she just spelled it. That's right: "Mr. McIntosh, you're so G-A-Y" and then she fled out the door. Obviously she forgot that teachers can spell, that's S-P-E-L-L for you slower folks out there. She also forgot that I have her schedule, so running out the door wasn't going to accomplish much because I was just going to find her in her next class. When I did find her and was dragging her up to the office, her excuse was, "But Mr. Mc, I said you were guy, G-U-Y, not gay, G-A-Y." You will be happy to know I didn't slap her, but I did remind her that saying "You are so G-U-Y" made her look like a complete stupid idiot because it doesn't make sense, where as saying "You are so G-A-Y" only made her look ignorant. She thought for a second, and decided she was going to stay with her originally story because she wanted to look ignorant, not like a stupid idiot. If I may say so myself, good choice.

Other news: Listen up all you students! I learned about an amazing webpage to do your research with: teoma.com. It's just like Google or Yahoo, but with out all the junk. It doesn't search for pictures or media files, but if your doing a paper on a certain topic, no matter how obscure, you will almost certainly find a ton of good quality, non-commercial links to do your researh with.

Nah, Nah, Nah Nan -a- Nah Nah.... Hey Jude...

I am proud to say that I LOVED the halftime show! I have been singing Hey Jude ever since!People at my work say it wasn't rockin' enough. They wanted pop stars and such.... Ummmm, does anyone remember the Ashlee Simpson incident a few weeks ago?
It was a great game! The last PA touchdown was amazing! The commercials were not as good as I imagined they would be... kind of disappointed. And being the total girly girl that I am, I will admit that I did shed a tear during the bud commercial that showed the troops coming through the airport. Ok, it was more like five tears... or more, but who's counting. Not Billy he just laughed at me.

I'll Believe You When Dogs Fly...Oh s#@!, nevermind...

I kid you not, our dog can fly. Last night I was sitting on the couch watching The Apprentice. The dog was outside and whining, so Katie went over to the door to let her in. She bolted through the door and leaped in the air, over the coffee table, on the back of the couch, managed to do a 90 degree turn in mid-air, and landed right in my lap. I have never in my life seen a dog move so fast, or jump so far, and do it so carelessly. This pretty much tells me that any time she wants to get out of her yard, she's going to do it, and there's not a darn thing we can do about it.

Napoleon Dynamite Killed My Wife.....GOSH!

Yeah, so last night I killed Katie. Sure, it was only on the Xbox, but I thought it was important to show her the ropes and get her started on the thing. I mean, what wife doesn't want a shot at vaperizing her husband everyonce in a while?

I started my Master's at Chapman on Wednesday. I thought I was a veteran at boring college classes, but five hour classes is a whole new monster for me. To make it worse, it's a statistics class.

We finally watched Napoleon Dynamite on Saturday. Good flick, but I wasn't blown away by it. I laughed hysterically at the Cow Killing Part and when Napoleon's uncle throw a steak at him on his bike. I thought the part about the killing wolverines was a classic. But it kinda dragged and got a bit old as the movie wore on. People tell me it is funnier the second time you watch it, so I will probably have to do that. I had the same general feeling about Zoolander...the first time I saw it I thought it was alright, but I saw it again and now it is one of my favorite comedies.

Life as we know it...

Katie: Well I went back to work today. I am just glad to not be lounging around the house anymore. I feel better, but it still feels like someone has rammed a metal brisseled cleaning brush down my ears.
Anyway, I learned how to use the MP3 player I got for Christmas... it rocks! I love it! I am trying to convince everyone I know to get one.
Has everyone seen the movie Saved? Never has a movie made me laugh so hard! To describe it on one word... AWESOME!!!
Other movies I enjoyed last week:
13 Going on 30
Seven
With out a Paddle
Reality Bites
Sixteen Candles
Some Kind of Wonderful
Breakfast Club
Apprentice Season 1
Gnome Moblie
We have Napoleon Dynamite..... I'm still waiting to watch that. Billy is just super busy and I want to watch that with him. He is turning in his paper work today to start his masters program. I am really proud of him and know he will do very well. I think he's a little nervous about it though.

The Apprentice

The new season of The Appentice started last night and I must say that "The Donald" looked as fabulous as ever. The contestants looked like an entertaining bunch...all of them except for this femi-nazi, man-suing, female-rights lawyer...why must they always include some idiot like this that clearly has no chance of winning? I know it is for ratings, but it is still frustrating. I really did enjoy last night even though I had just gotten done watching the ENTIRE first season the previous two days. You see, Katie is sick and she has been staying home watching the first season on DVD. I knew I had too much of the show when I started looking at Donald Trump and thinking, "You know, I kinda like that hair."

Sapphire is fitting in well with the family. She is finally starting to become a dog. She still won't go to the bathroom in front of anybody and now she won't eat in front of anybody either. Plus, yesterday Katie took her to her Uncle David's and she literally tried to bite is hand off. We love her to death, but geesh, she is weird.

Leinart, Sapphire, Xbox, One Month Anniversary, and Other Musings

Leinart: Geesh....where to start? First, as a USC fan I can not tell you how rockin' it is that Matt Leinart is coming back for his senior year. I think we would have been fine with J.D. Booty at QB, but we will be darn near unstoppable with Leinart back.

Sapphire: Well, we have a new addition to our family: Sapphire. We drove up and back to Sacramento on Saturday to pick up a year old Miniature Australian Shepherd. She was living with a nice lady, but she was busy taking care of her sick husband, so she had no time to take care of the dog. In a nut shell, the dog is adorable. Plus, she loves peeing on Katie for some reason so that is certainly a plus.

Xbox: Boy do I have COOL wife. She got me an early birthday present: an Xbox! She says she just wanted me to have some fun around the apartment, but I know why she REALLY got me an Xbox. During Christmas I was playing Halo 2 with my brother and cousin and both of them utterly destroyed me. Katie was obviously embarrassed by this and she got me the Xbox so I can practice and hold my own next time my brother trys to slay me.

One Month Anniversary: Today is our one month anniversary!!! We plan on celebrating it by do nothing! Well, actually we wanted to do something, but Katie is sick, we have a dog we can't leave alone for too long, and the relief society is coming over to our apartment tonight to visit with Katie and figure out why she is not pregnant yet.

The Book of Billy

"1 - For behold, it shall come to pass in the two thousandth and 5th year of our Lord that it shall rain night and day for weeks on end. Yeah, it shall rain even so that the entire earth, especially the intersection of Oak Valley and Beaumont Ave, shall be covered with water. And behold, I shall cause it to rain until the people turn their hearts and look unto me.
2 - At it came to pass that the people did listen and did turn their hearts to the Lord and on the 11th day of January, the rains did cease and the people had cause to rejoice and they danced around in the streets. But behold, the rejoicing was short lived because the people soon discovered that is was frickin' freezing outside and they went indoors and drank hot chocolate and wondered when Southern California all of the sudden became a mountain resort." - 2 Billy 12:1-2

Why does it always rain on me?

We got married on December 18th and went on our Honeymoon to Carlsbad for 5 days. During the course of these six days, the weather was PERFECT and it never got below 80 degrees during the day. Now we are back home, and it seems like ever since we have been back, the weather has completed sucked. Oh well, what are we to do?

USC plays tonight for the national championship. I of course, like the good husband I am, will be sitting on the couch with some form of fast food in my hands screaming my head off. Katie, like the good wife she is, will be traveling to Temecula to pick up wedding pictures. I think we have this marriage thing down perfect.